I recently got into an argument with several men on Facebook. They argued that women and men are equal, and everyone needs to get over it. These kinds of folks (MRAs) are the worst sort of people, because they see their privilege slipping away and they can’t let it go without a fight, and without hatred and malice spewing on everyone.
I am a guy. But I am not a white guy (I am Native American.) So I come from a place of not having any privilege worth noticing because Native Americans are the only group you can still be racist against. I will do a separate post on that later, but suffice to say, I can see the oppressed side of things because I have lived it.
So these guys were trying to say that women get paid the same as men, which isn’t true except in special circumstances (the military, for example.) Even in Hillary Clinton’s campaign office it was discovered that she was paying the women 30% less than the men. So fuck her and fuck that.
They were also trying to push an idea that doesn’t exist, and I want to talk about that for a second. Listen closely: There is no such thing as “female privilege.” There is also no such thing as “reverse-racism.” No really. It’s not a fucking thing just because you make up the words. Your words describe a thing that does not exist in any part of any society on Earth. Period. So if your words don’t describe a real thing, then they are meaningless and using them means nothing.
Next, they insulted me for saying that I am a feminist. I want to make something really clear: I am not ashamed of being a feminist. I am the product of a single mom who worked very hard to care for me right up until the day she died when I was 14. I am very aware that although my life was not easy as a minority, and as a teenager alone in the word, it was easier because I am a man. I am not stupid. I hear what people say about women being “too emotional to handle real jobs” and “too delicate for hard jobs” and “too distracting to have in offices.” That is sexism against women.
(Note: There is a word for sexism against men. It is misandry. But there is no word for sexism against women because they’re not important enough to get a word.)
A lot of the men were obviously bitter. Many claimed to be married and supporting their wives. Two things there:
1. They were horrible men, so I doubt they are actually married. No women would fall for such a sad prick as these folks, I am sure. So the marriage thing was very likely a lie.
2. If they were married and supporting their wives and children as they claim, then they were in the extreme minority. In the modern day, most children grow up with their mothers in single-parent homes and may or may not get child support.
So if I ever do actually meet a man who is actually supporting a wife and children (it hasn’t happened yet, but I am sure a few exist) then I will have a million questions.
It’s so rare that you have to wonder how they ended up in such a situation. Wages are so low that it seems impossible to have a household where, if both parents are present, one of them doesn’t work. That’s a 1950’s idea that is very, very over.
Add to that the fact that single-parent households became the norm. I mean, I grew up with just my mom and my dad was out on the res somewhere and then in jail. But none of my friends had married parents either. We thought that whole idea was a thing that only happened on TV.
And finally, statistics say that nearly every woman in the USA is employed. So when you see that, you have to wonder who these magically women are that these men are supposedly married to. Are they not counted in the census? Are they illegal mail-order brides from Thailand or Russia? Because according to the US department of labor, nearly all women work.
So really, if a flood of white males actually have stay-at-home wives and support their wives and children, then I would like to know who they are, and why no statistics in all of the United States of America believes that they are real.
And then I want to know why they would bitch about their choice. If they chose to do this rare and strange thing that hasn’t existed since the 1950’s, then why are they mad about it? Why are they hating all women and claiming that equality exists when it so obviously does not? What exactly are these people so mad about, when they made a choice to support a stay-at-home mom and children? If they regret their choice, why don’t they do like 62% of men and leave?
Now the girl who posted the original comment that started the argument was right there the whole time trying to defend herself while these men attacked her. I won’t use her name since I didn’t ask permission. But anyway, she made a few points that I want you to think about:
1. Women’s Rights Activists are asking the same thing as Black Lives Matter. It is women saying: “Please stop trying to tell us what being a women is about, because we are actual women and we are trying to tell you. You should listen.”
2. Listening to another person is the best way to find out what their experience is like.
3. The burdens of birth control, pregnancy, and childbirth are things that I don’t really have to even think about as a guy. But it turns out that they are really big burdens that women carry their whole lives. When I really try to get inside a women’s head and imagine the fear of a missed period and potentially an unwanted pregnancy, that is the most frightening thing that I can think of. It’s terrifying. To live with that burden alone would be so much more stressful than just worrying about getting awkward boners here and there (which hasn’t happened since High School anyway.)
4. Women are still typically paid less for the same work than men. Women are more likely to be single parents than men. In two-parent households, women are expected to do more of the childcare than men.
Typical two-parent home: The woman gets home from work, and makes dinner. She does the dishes, helps the kids with their homework, and puts them to bed. The man puts his feet up and watches TV. But, when little Johnny has a nightmare, the man offers to go read him a story. Now the man is the hero because he helped with the parenting. Yay! He helped! What a great guy! It’s not his job, but he helped anyway! Meanwhile the woman, who was pushed into some kind of job like being a nurse or waitress because men wouldn’t take her seriously in business, is exhausted. But no one says thank you to her. She might do 98% of the child-care and work, but she’s just trying to “have it all,” which is the new forced role for all women since housewife didn’t work out.
This is so sexist that I could hardly stand to write it. But it’s true. It’s how it really is right now in US culture.
I shouldn’t have to explain that one. But in case you don’t know, women make up over 90% of all rape victims. However, the conviction rate for rape is 2%. A crime that is mostly only committed against women is also a crime that no one really goes to jail for. Shocking. Really. I am so surprised.
Except I am not.
And remember that it’s always the woman’s fault if she was raped. We always say that she shouldn’t have been dressed so slutty, or that she shouldn’t have been out so late, or that she shouldn’t have been alone with a guy. In some countries they still stone women to death for being raped. But in the US, we blame them.
Obviously if someone violates your bodily autonomy, that is not your fault. When a guy bumps shoulders with me on the street, he apologizes. And he barely violated my body at all. It was just a little unwanted shoulder touch. But a women is raped, and she says no and she doesn’t want the man touching her at all, and that is her fault.
Sounds like it is the man’s fault to me.
Anyway, the point is that we discussed these things and she explained these things, and the men were simply incapable of listening. They wouldn’t hear anything that didn’t agree with their sad little worldview with them as the victim. “Oh, women have privilege and I as a white male have such an unfair disadvantage.”
I swear the next time a white guy says that in my hearing, I am going to punch him in the fucking neck. Look white men, you are the ones who have privilege. You lord it over all of us, and then you complain if anyone else dares to ask for rights. You think that if we get rights, you lose rights. And that is not how it works. Yes, you will lose your privilege, but you will still be equal to all of the rest of us, and society will be better off for it.
Again, as a Native American, I would like to have equal rights. My people were here first. But it seems like every time a conversation about any kind of inequality comes up, white men show up to try to shout the rest of us down. They make shit up, lie, and try to force their same tired arguments at us.
Never believe it.
We are all at a disadvantage compared to white men. They try to shout us down because they know it. And one day, all the women and minorities are going to take our rights and overthrow this white male society, and fuck all of them when that happens. I live in hope of the revolution every day.
For the record, one white man showed up to say that he was a feminist. He was one voice amid a chorus of assholes, but I am glad he showed up. First white male I ever met who was willing to admit that the rest of us don’t have his privilege. I won’t use his name either because I don’t have permission, but I will leave you with this video: